My journey definitely took a turn, maybe not where you or I thought it would go, but here I am getting back on the wagon in 2022. Fighting against myself and my image of myself. I was ready to lock in that dream job after Flatiron School, but it didn’t happen. I had graduated in the top tier of my class, prospects looked great and my husband had FINALLY made it back home from a year long deployment. Life was returning to normal as a family of 4.
I was thankful, but remember it was just me for the past year and my two littles, while my husband was overseas. Then overnight, life did a 180 when he came home. I was done with school, finally focusing on the job hunt all while enjoying time as a family again.
Interviewing left and right, getting into the last rounds of interviews and gaining confidence…. I was almost there. Then hit the positive pregnancy test. THIS moment I can remember vividly, it was a curve-ball. I wanted to secure a job before going though a pregnancy. Has anyone ever been hit with the emotions of no one will hire you if you’re pregnant… yeah that was me.
The MOMENT: My husband was home wearing his “Baby Daddy” shirt the moment I tested positive. THE IRONY! I remember stating to him, “How ironic that you are wearing that shirt.” It was a very special moment for us. We wanted to expand our family and have a third, the timing just wasn’t MY timing. I wanted to find a job first and gain more knowledge in what I loved doing. Obviously, God had other plans for me, us and even some jokes along the way.
The Pause: Fast-forward a couple months after finding out and finally going to the doctors. I was extremely sick, I had no energy and practically lived in the bathroom. Pregnancy is never as glamorous as people think, but this time around, was the worst I ever experienced. I had to put a pause to all interviews in my first trimester. I was stuck between feeling like I failed myself, my dreams and the excitement that came from knowing I was expanding my family…. given the blessing of a baby.
I truly went into a depression. A depression of not being able to land a job like my peers left and right. I had no energy and I barely had enough in me to raise my two littles, I wasn’t myself. I do have a supportive husband that believes in me and my strength. I kept interviewing when I could muster that energy, but once I disclosed I was pregnant, companies would congratulate me and say it wouldn’t affect my interview for the positions, but it truly hindered me. I felt it like daggers. This made me even more sad. I felt like I really couldn’t enjoy my pregnancy, because I failed at landing a job when I wanted to.
Oh Snap Moment: I had decided that focusing on my family and pregnancy with the little energy that I had was where I was needed. One of the moments I’ll never forget is when my now 4 year old told me that I had two babies in my belly. I hadn’t gotten my first scan yet, so I didn’t know if my pregnancy was a safe one or if it was just one baby. I actually found out a couple days later in a trip to the ER.
Nothing would stay down, not even water. It was the worst sensation ever. Being so exhausted from throwing up, that I ended up in the ER. Let me tell you, it was a terrible experience. They did a scan and later confirmed I was expecting identical TWINS. In this moment I was in shock, it honestly was a “God has jokes” moment. I never in a million years expected to have twins. So number 3 ended up being 3 and 4.
The Journey: Here I am in late 2022, still no job, yet trusting in God’s timing. Was I ready for a job than, no. I see it all more clearly now, I have so much more knowledge now than I did when I finished Flatiron. With my twin pregnancy, being high risk and extra doctor appointments, to then having a c-section and a tough recovery later. I now know that I definitely couldn’t have landed a job and committed to them like I would liked. I feel more prepared, I am falling in love with the knowledge I learn daily. Plus I enjoy the little moments with my four boys, yes FOUR. I am very outnumbered, but I am their Queen. This journey is not for the faint of heart .
If I’m not coding, I am diving deep into more topics I’m passionate about. I am always learning something new — How the internet works, new design techniques, new languages, keeping up to speed on all the languages I know and practice, practice, practice. I am humble. I am strong. I am a Women in tech that knows no limits, won’t admit defeat and I know how much of an asset I am. I am raising four God-fearing gentlemen with my husband. Life’s an adventure. Find the good in all the seasons of life.